December already!

So I stop and think about life wow has this year flew by! I cant believe my baby is 9 months in 3 days. He is so big! & can do so much! I love his guts! I cant believe its almost time to start a new year! I thinking having a kid does something to time. I remember this time last year dragged on but I was also pregnant & that was a hard fun stage. I have learned so much & came so far this year I am greatful for all my trails that really have made me so much stronger! I am a blessed person for sure! Today  I need to do school online & get somethings cleaned. :) I love you my life!

Most amazing night!!!!

Tonight has been such a good night! I had the best talks ever with my mom, sister (heather), & sister & brother in law (Christina & Jon). I am at a cross roads lets be honest my life isnt what I want it to be I am not 100%happy at all & I have some huge choice I need to make I've known that for awhile now just not sure how to or was ready to. Well I am now I get that I just need to keep moving forward & I was able to get some really good advice & clear somethings up & work through a lot night. Life is not easy but it is what we make it. I am done feeling sorry for myself & ready to move on & work on my self. Its just one choice I have to make & stick to every day every hour every minute. I know this may get hard at times but I have a goal to serve 3 different people everyday so I can lose my self in service. I am so ready for that next step in my life. I am so blessed to have a wonderful family who loves me & wants whats best for me & Edison. Sometimes its hard to see things & we just need that one person to be honest enough to put us in our place.

Is there anything better?

I took Edison swinging today & his smile just brightens my whole world being his mom is the best thing ever I've been struggling a lot lately with some personal stuff & when I look at Edison nothing else matters he is my world but then again everything I do is going to effect him & its hard to know what to do sometimes ugh life is rough I hope one day I can not have so many worries and really have the happiness I want :)

Cross roads ....

I am so confessed lately I don't know what to do or think about anything any more I wish life wasnt so freaking hard I wish someone would come to save to me swipe me off my feet ha ha thats just me wishing for something that wont happen I am trying to stay strong for Edison & believe everything will work out some how ugh

I dont always remember......

Sometimes I forget how truly blessed I am I have so much when others have so little but yet I complain and forget to be grateful for what I do have...... 

I have a family who loves me and has taken me & my little brother into there home

they have always been so supportive of us & put our needs above there own many times

I have an amazing amazing mother who has helped me so much & father who stood by her stand and 

worked hard to always make sure his kids had what they needed 

I have 3 brothers I love dearly 

& 3 amazing sisters who are so kind & forgiving

My mom & dad are kind enough to take me & my son into there home &

 help me get on my feet while I go to school my mom watches Edison without charge 

I would be nothing with out my family they are my rock 

& strength when I am weak they love me so unconditionally & I am truly blessed to have them! 

I am also blessed to have many other thing most people don't have 

a roof over my head clean clothes a place to bath every day 

food to eat clean water to drink TV & movies to watch 

a nice computer being able to go to school freedom of speech and  many other freedoms 

I am blessed to have a beautiful a little boy who loves me 

its sad to think that some people cant bare children Edison is my world and I am so grateful to have him I love love love love him! 

 I am so grateful for all that I have & I want to start expressing my thankfulness 

more! 

EDISON

Ok so last week I told you Edison sat up well yesterday he got his first tooth its so cute

& yesterday took two naps in his crib he always want to sleep in my arms or in my bed right next to me but I need my space I sure love the little guy but enough is enough ha ha my sister says that he will be happier and I am all for that I love him to pieces tho but he rolls into over & over again 

and pulls my hair when he wakes up ugh 

Thank goodness for cribs!!! 

Its been a few!

Ok so I have been slacking on writing in here I have been so busy with school & taking care of Mr. Edison 

everyday I pretty much do the same thing oh my gosh I almost forgot Edison got him self to sit up yesterday for the first time 9/30/10 :) he is so funny he cant balance really at all so he falls or holds him self up with his arm he is kinda doing it backwards but its cute & so fun to see him do new thing I love love love it school has been so good I was doing online classes and did really good for the 1st 3 classes then started to have a hard time to I had to switch to classes on campus and I love it I have been learning so much I made the deans list(good grades) and get to go to a luncheon cuz of it I love school & I love that I am going to be able to take care of Edison and I

 I have been kinda sad lately over Curtis not that I want him back at all but it just hurt I put so much into what he had and he never cared or did what he should of but it is truly his loss I pray that one day I will find happiness I already have happiness with Edison that curtis will never get ( i dont see how a man can walk out on his child and not care) but I guess I mean companionship with a man who really understand and loves us (Edison & I) its hard raising a child alone I have a whole new respect for single moms it is so hard but so worth it I love Edison so much I am just so grateful to have a child 

"You Raise Me Up"

Ok so I know I talk about Edison 24/7 but he is my world I would be nothing with out him & honestly I have been having a hard time lately with being a single mom & trying to stay positive and really believing everything will work out I took Edison out side today and I swear every time he smile its the most amazing thing all over again I am so thankful to be his mother he makes me strong when I feel  weak he keeps me going when I want to give up he reminds me there is a god when I feel in doubt he reminds I have a reason a to live when I feel hopeless & 

I kept thinking of the song

 by Josh Groban you rise me up 

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

There is no life - no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up... To more than I can be. 

I also think about god when I hear this song but Edison is my gift from god & I am so thankful to be his mother I know these hard times will pass & I am trying so hard to have faith I hope one day I will be really strong for all I have gone through I have changed my whole life around when I got pregnant I wanted Edison to have the best life possible I want to give him things I never got before I was adopted I know I cant stop every thing bad from happening to him but I do feel a lot of the things that were done to me I can stop the cycle & give him something better :) but on a different note I start taking classes on monday on campus no more of this online stuff I am excited to be in a class room again! 

La la la

Ok so last night before I went to bed I had to look at Edison & 

that's what I saw my little angel boy loving on his monkey! Edison is just so sweet & tender! 

I love him so much! He is my saving grace. 

Oh and yesterday I was having a really really hard day 

Edison is teething & was so grumpy.

 I was really down on myself I have struggled with depression for many years 

but two of my sisters & mom have gotten into a business called doTERRA.

Its Essential oils & I used a few yesterday to help me & oh my gosh they worked wonders 

I loved it! I will be using them everyday I am excited to not be on meds but have something natural & safe to help me! I already used them today & feel wonderful! 

Him & I

I have never done a blog but I am starting today

My life is at weird point but I am trying to be happy 

I am trying to find myself 

I left my husband & I am waiting for my divorce to go through 

I have a beautiful little boy I love to death he is the best thing that has happened to me

I am in school for graphic arts I love it

Life is a crazy thing but its what you make of it that matters 

& I am trying to make it the best I can :D 

That is my son Edison he is 6 & half months old he is my world 

He makes me strong when I am weak I love him oh so much!